Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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