turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
