I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
