i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
