dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
