yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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