Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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