i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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