I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Every concussion has its silver lining
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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