I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
