So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
