Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
