Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
