I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize