We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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