Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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