ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
People in love make me want to vomit
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
