apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
