Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
