Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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