I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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