not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
sex in a hospital.. check
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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