Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
