saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
