Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
