I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
