Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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