Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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