God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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