Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
