Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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