u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
