two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
