So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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