I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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