you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
