I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
