i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
