I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
