Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
