I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
