well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize