So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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