Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
