I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
