I murdered the dance floor call the cops
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
