you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
