Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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