Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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