You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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