Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Drunk is not a location!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
