found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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