I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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