I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
