shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
