I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
