Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
