It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
