I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
