I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
