I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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