a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
