I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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