Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
